You Remain
by weshallflyaway
Summary: Rang De Basanti: They're all still dead, and Sue still remains.


Sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night and forget where it is that you are. For a moment you think that you're back in your bed in England in your dingy flat and that you're still trying to convince the damn funding department that your documentary is worth shelling out money for.

But then you hear the noises of the street outside, or Sonia's quiet sobs in the next room and it all comes back to you.

You're still in India.

And they're all still dead.

And yet you remain.

You've thought about it a lot in the last six months, the variables that would have ensured their survival.

If you'd never come to India at all then maybe they'd still be alive, if you'd just given up when you were told that your project wasn't worth it.

Alternately if they'd given you the funding you could have hired proper actors, and none of the boys would have gotten involved. That's it, you can blame the people who didn't give you funding for everyone dying.

But in the end it all comes down to you, you're the only reason that everyone's dead. You came here with your lofty ideals and optimism, wanting to show the glorious past of India's revolutionaries. And in the process you ended up creating your own.

So you see, everyone is dead because of you.

Not everyone, that's a lie. Ajay would be dead anyway, killed by a system that believes more in profits than people. No matter what happened, Sonia would still be sobbing in her room, half-widowed without ever being married.

Still, nobody will say to you that it's your fault everyone is dead. It's so easy to find someone else to blame. The politicians, the Defence Minister, Karan's father, the soldiers who finally pulled the trigger, or the man who ordered it.

So many people were complicit in their deaths, but it was you who set off the chain reaction.

Then you remember why it is that you woke up in the first place, and rise unsteadily to your feet, shuffling slowly to the kitchen.

The noise wakes Sonia up, that's if she was ever asleep at all, and she comes out to join you.

"Can't sleep, Sue?" she asks you, sounding concerned.

"No, I slept for a while, but you know how it is. It's difficult to get through the night without being woken."

Sonia smiles then, and offers to make you a hot chocolate. You gratefully agree.

"So how is the little guy doing?" she asks you, handing you the mug before taking her own and sipping from it.

You rub a hand across your stomach affectionately "Exactly like his father, causing way too much trouble and not giving his mother any peace."

She laughs then, "That does sound exactly like DJ."

You may be a solo parent, but you've long since realised that this baby is not only yours. The life growing inside you has given others a reason to live too. DJ's mother, Ajay's mother and Sonia all fuss over you, trying to ensure that you have everything you could need. You wonder sometimes what Sonia is thinking when you see her looking at your stomach with regret in her eyes, is she feeling hollow somewhere inside? Is she thinking that she'll now never have the opportunity?

Sonia has sworn that she'll never marry. She's decided to devote her life to bringing about a revolution in the country, and in order to do this she's going to join politics. Voting will be in a month's time, and it seems like she may actually be successful.

You plan to call your son Chandrashekhar. After all, it was his father's name for awhile, perhaps his true name.

You've decided to stay in India, and after a good deal of fighting on the part of DJ's mother you've finally been given a residency permit. Right now your next major battle is to have your documentary released, since it's still too controversial to be considered in India. Still, it seems like a British company is willing to buy it for release there, and the income will certainly help as you wait for the birth of your son.

Your life is far from purposeless.

You remain here because DJ's mother needs a reason to live, and your son will provide that. You remain here because Sonia needs support as she fights against the system to ensure that the sacrifices of her friends were not in vain. You remain here because quite honestly you don't know what you would do if you went back to England, because your life has changed so much you would no longer fit in. You belong here in the land of your revolutionaries and the revolution that they have now sparked.

You're a documentary maker of course, and there's many interesting stories in this country. It will be a struggle to make money, but your child will not starve. Your child will grow up to continue what his father started.

Sometimes when you go to the old fort or when you sit by Aslam's grave, you think that you can hear their laughter in the air.

But in the end they're still dead, whether it's your fault or not.

And you're still alive, which is why you remain. Which is why you fight.

Their death will not go in vain.


End file.
